Be Here Now – changes and a view of me

Ok, I have tried to keep my two lives distinctly separate. Mainly due to the fact that as oart of my work agreement to let me publish my books I don’t openly mix my real persona and my writing persona. Interestingly enough there are others who I work with who publish books and use their real name and delve more into a genre closely linked to my work (aka Crime Thrillers…..use your imagination).

Well, to that end it has been a balancing act of Tobey Alexander vs Real me. Those who follow my Instagram account or are fans of my Facebook Pages will see some crossover of posts but nothing too strong as I even keep my work-life out of my personal stuff.

So I have decided it is time to blur the lines a little bit and give some explanation as to what motivates me and drives me in the hope it gives a little foundation to the worlds I am creating and the stories I am trying to tell.

I shall begin here…

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My reasons to “Be Here Now” at my favourite place Mount Snowdon

I have never been one for ink, tattoos, body-art but recently things have changed and I have seen a big self-reflection which brought me full-circle to this tattoo and in the essence of opening myself up (it does tie into my life taking the step to publish as an author so bear with me!)

BE HERE NOW

In 2011/12 I watched Spartacus the TV series with Andy Whitfield. As a result I went on a massive fitness regime which became a massive focus of my life. At around the same time I decided I wanted to write my book which had been a WIP (work in progress) for a while. I concentrated and both things developed very well.

Needless to say, I was shocked when I found out Andy Whitfield died of cancer (I was late starting the TV series). While I was doing my fitness routines research (and obsessing over how ripped him and the whole cast were) I found out they had made a documentary about the last year or so of his life which was a Kickstarter campaign. As soon as I found out I had already missed the boat but managed to make contact with them and donate to the cause. It isn’t very often I donate to charities specifically but this one seemed to touch me for a number of reasons.

Time passed and I applied for a new job at work (a role that would change me as a person from the very core ultimately). At the time I found out I had passed a very rigorous pre-selection internally I had a package arrive through the door. It was a leather bracelet with the name of the documentary BE HERE NOW embossed on it. That reflected a tattoo Andy had on his inner forearm which reminded him to enjoy the moment.

So around the time I got the new job I got the bracelet and it became synonymous with a mantra I would sometimes forget.

As I progressed through my training the following year it was the single most challenging experience of my life. It was an absolute rollercoaster of ups and downs that ultimately left me succeeding but at the same time being extremely stressed I found myself having a little “dip” when I first became operational.

Now I recall, before this “dip” I was on a job at work and lost my bracelet. Through my course I hadn’t been wearing it for fear of losing or breaking it but once out and about it was back on in an instant. Losing it really annoyed me as it meant so much to me and I remember the next training session was when I let my head get the better of me and instead of adhering to the idea of BE HERE NOW I was too busy being a million miles away on any of a number of train tracks that run through my head at any one time.

So, I dipped and I ended up making very good friends with someone who helped me through it.

It wasn’t a skill thing, I had allowed my busy head to fill me with self-doubt and get the better of me. Once we found out what was getting on top of me we found a way of getting around it and ultimately I remember my bracelet.

But it was gone! What could I do?

I researched and couldn’t get a replacement…..so I designed my own. I had a custom made one that tied in the original with my work (it had a thin blue line in it and was made of paracord). It arrived and I felt whole again in a way until the embossed labelling began to peel and I realised I had chosen the wrong design.

Around the same time my oldest son A fell ill with HSP and was hospitalised. Anyone who has experienced the illness of their child will know that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach when it feels like your world is being ripped apart and you would do anything to accept the pain on behalf of your child.

All I wanted to do was take it for him but I couldn’t. All he wanted to do was climb Snowdon again. In the meantime, I had released Footprints On The Other Side and was trying to make a go of that. I remembered then the broken bracelet and let him have it, I explained the meaning of those three words and told A not to worry about tomorrow, next week or next year and BE HERE NOW.

He made a recovery, to this day we still have residual effects but we adapt and overcome, and the bracelet took a place in his bedroom that he refers to occasionally.

Telling him reminded me of my need to BE HERE NOW too so I ordered a new replacement. I ended up getting sent two as one got lost in the post, much more hardwearing and robust and it became my stable for a long time.

And then on a job my arm got caught on a piece of fencing as I was on a job and it hooked on the bracelet. It was that good and strong I was stuck and could have really hurt myself.

So now what? My own bracelet had betrayed me in a way but I couldn’t part with my reminder to BE HERE NOW.

Wearing it allowed me to build everything in my writing worlds. Every time I tried to plan too far ahead in my books and stories I got lost and then come back to the here and now and start again. I am a sod for getting carried away and I would need that reminder to keep me centred.

Now back to the origins……the Be Here Now Documentary had been available for some time but I hadn’t watched it. Why? Because I didn’t want to cry! Since donating I had been on my own roller coasters and it had made me avoid dealing with sad things a little and become what’s referred to as “INTENSE” by my friends and peers.

Earlier this year I decided the time was right and sat watching the documentary a few weeks after I caught my arm on the fence. It’s funny how your subconscious comes into play I suppose because I watched the documentary and through teary eyes couldn’t stop thinking I needed to replace my bracelet.

Having sobbed and felt the full impact of the documentary I remembered when I had first seen his tattoo on the Kickstarter campaign.

It all made sense and fell into place for me.

No bracelet, no replacement….why not follow his sentiment and show myself a permanent reminder of a phrase that effectively transitioned me through so many things over the last few years.

Within a month I made my appointment and allowed the three little words that had been my influence to take pride of place on my arm.

Sure there were those around me who disapproved “you do surprise me” was one phrase but when I pointed out the reasoning, explained it to them it made sense. It had become something that meant more than just the words but had been my anchor and my guiding settler to bring me back when I allowed my head and life to get the better of me.

So ironically I am in the process of designing another tattoo that explains my writing personality. A Raven, compass, sword, three smaller ravens all leading to an open book….all things growing from the page. In another post I will explain the meaning behind it all in another open post to give you an idea about me.

Some of you may have made it this far through the blog post, some may not. Because, in the end, who am I to people other than a name on the front cover of a book or two. But the reason I ever dared to release and even write my books were for these three words….BE HERE NOW.

Having written my stories I was happy to let them fester and disappear yet how could I motivate my children to embrace the moment, grab it and run with it if I didn’t do it myself? The only way was to BE HERE NOW. Not to worry if people think my books are crap, yes some people will, but what does that matter to the NOW? That’s possibly in the future so for me I now write when the moment takes me. My style is to plan an idea, plot and then open Word and just write. I don’t micro-plan chapters I have a rough idea and just let the moment be when I decide to write. I find that my story flows much more naturally this way.

But in the end this will probably not get you to buy one of my books, it may be nothing more than a read to drum some interest in me as a person I do not know.

But it was me…

Being open…

Explaining some things as both Tobey Alexander and “The Other Guy” (so many clues in the text to say who I am and what I am).

MY BOOKS ON AMAZON.CO.UK

MY BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM

I hope you do take some time to Be Here Now with me, in my books.

Thank you

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Absences explained

Hello all! My sincerest apologies for the absence I have had from a lot of media forms, especially the old Blog here. There are some very valid reasons of which I do not intend on boring you with all of the details but needless to say sometimes life throws a few obstacles in your way and there are, sadly, only so many hours in the day.

Rest assured however the fact I haven’t been updating here does not reflect a period of inactivity in my writing world…far from it.

Since my last entry (sometime in January (oh my life I didn’t realise how long I hadn’t blogged for) I have released BLACKOUT and am pleased to say it is doing well. Steady page reads on Kindle Unlimited and purchases through Kindle keep me going and encourage me that I am not an entirely terrible storyteller.

I have also been brewing a series of two/three books called REAPER’S JOURNEY which is a story I came up with way back in about 2003/2004 but never did anything with. When I finished INTO THE DARK, the last entry in my Magdon Series I promised that I would spread my wings into new areas of storytelling so I decided to literally resurrect the REAPER story I came up with so long ago. As a matter of fact, I’m just hovering at around 56,000 words at the moment in Book I in the series which is good considering I’ve still got a good chunk of story left to tell in that story.

Speaking of Magdon’s I have had a pique in interest recently for the original series so have decided to start toying with ideas the last few days for the next story in the series. This morning I spent the whole morning walking with my Archy (dog named after the main character from the original Origins Of The Magdon stories). We stumbled across an abandoned theme park I used to go to as a kid. With one of Hans Zimmer’s scores playing in my ears I wandered around the piles of rubble and came up with a lot of ideas.

To that end, I decided to script an entry on the blog and use my new fandangled computer program to brainstorm various aspects of the story. All I need now is a title as I like to mentally develop a cover and title early on in the creative process as it gives me something to aim for. Invariably the covers go through a lot of changes and modifications but having the idea of a cover gives me some subtle motivation.

I am off to visit Wales and, of course, Snowdon in the coming weeks so am sure my brain will quite literally explode with ideas. With work demands and other things my creativity has been somewhat single-tracked on the REAPER story but lately, I feel I am able to juggle train lines and get various ideas brewing.

Here are some pictures from my little sneaky walk and trust me INTO THE DARK 2 (it’s not going to be called that don’t worry) is set to have foundations in Nottingham as its predecessor did along with some other places around the UK and the World to keep the new adventure rolling along.

Feel free to get yourself reading either INTO THE DARK or my completely unrelated sci-fi time-travel thriller BLACKOUT which you can get on Kindle, Kindle Unlimited or if you’re old school then Paperback instead.

This is where it all began – my story!

As I have sat pouring over a million and one ways to spread the message of what my stories have to offer I forgot one very important thing.

Where it all came from!

The Magdon Series, which forms the foundation for my latest novel INTO THE DARK came from the imagination of me trying to entertain and grow my own children. The fable and myth of Archy came from me creating an ancestor in the form of a fictional Great Great Grandfather for my sons. Someone, they could look up to and admire, someone that showed them that the dark corners and caves of the world may be terrifying but in the same sense can offer a whole world of adventure.

I remember running away with the story with my youngest son (now I have a daughter too who is just growing to know what Magdons are). I had done a shift at work with the dog section and in a desperate attempt to try and show my timid little boy that he could be brave with monsters I made up The Magdon (Dog Man – how original). He asked what it looked like and if I had ever seen one.

It wasn’t really a lie when I said I had seen one. At that time I was the only person who had seen one as I was creating it in the wildest depths of my imagination.

I have always been an absolute bugger for blurring the lines with my children. Encouraging, rightly or wrongly, to believe in things that may or may not be real. My youngest son grips everything I say and foolishly believes it all. So, when I created The Magdon and his little eyes twinkled I knew I had caught a very big fish.

From that throwaway idea I had to put meat on the bones and so Great Great Grandad Archibald was born, the man who last fought a Magdon and survived. So much so he wrote down his adventures in a diary and I then wrote books from that diary.

I even made the bloody diary. Hours spent pouring over images and false maps to make it look real and authentic enough that they would believe it. I even used FaceApp or some other program to age my own face so they could see a grainy photo of Archy. My oldest latched on (now he is nine he knows it isn’t real but still plays along for his brother’s sake). One day, I remember it being a typical British rainy day yet I gathered up a bunch of handwritten clues and a map I had scribbled the night before and took the boys on a treasure hunt.

Soaked to the skin we walked a mile or so around our little town until we arrived in the local graveyard. Once there I had found a grave that caught my imagination. Years of exposure to the elements had wiped away the name once carved into the headstone. Now it was a pitted and scarred nameless tombstone wrapped in ivy that looked like something from a Hollywood film….the perfect burial place for two hand-painted wooden “training” swords that our mysterious ancestor had left for my boys to find.

Wrapping them in tea-stained bandages when they found them the boys were ecstatic. It had gone from me telling them stories to actually having something physical to hold. That is where I blurred the lines, in that moment both of them committed their belief to me and I went to town with it.

From that moment other people noticed the boys talking of Magdons and Nivags (these being other monsters I invented to protect The Magdon – Gavin = Nivag again how original my non-pseudonym name). People started to ask questions about “what on earth are they talking about?” even teachers at school so I very quickly had to explain it was my madness and not theirs!

The stories I had started jotting down now seemed like a great idea to share.

So THE MAGDON SERIES was born and I began releasing novelettes of Archy’s adventures. I set them to be short on the advice of someone in the industry who advised stories of this type to be 10-12,000 words so I could reach a broader audience, even considering making the books, in time, dyslexia friendly. I wanted the stories to be read by a younger “middle-grade” audience so other children could seek to draw the sense of adventure I wanted to nurture.

It was a big leap. From something so personal to releasing it I found a great deal of pride in committing the stories to the page. I even used a photograph I took of my oldest son with his treasured training sword while out Magdon Hunting as the front cover of the first book.

The feedback was great and I continue to see copies disappearing from the virtual shelves which is always good. What I did find, however, was a disappointment from the older readers who wanted more.

And so I obliged and created INTO THE DARK. Bringing my whole legacy to a new generation and a new modern setting.

So, knowing this why should you trust me with your time and imagination? I can’t answer that other than to say my world is one that will offer you some engagement and entertainment in the pages. For now, I offer you the chance to see where it all began for FREE.

The link below allows you to download your own copy of the true Origins of this story. The one story I poured over the longest to introduce my madness to my sons. I pray you take the offer, download and enjoy the taste of the world of Monsters I have created.

And then…

When you want more you can journey with us INTO THE DARK.

DOWNLOAD THE TRUE ORIGINS HERE FOR FREE

Through a BookFunnel link you will be asked to provide your email address which will only be used to keep you up-to-date on my developing imagination and the stories I am releasing upon the world.

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Spinning head! AMS/FB Ads

Well, I have finally decided to try my hand at marketing through Amazon, Facebook and BookBub Partners. To say I’m overwhelmed is a bleedin’ understatement. I’ve sat and watched videos about KDP Rocket (yes I have just purchased this and so far it is giving me ideas about how to try and figure out keywords and other bits which I can slowly filter into my blurbs and such like). I’ve listened to people tell me how to structure adverts and keywords and audiences and pictures and more and more and more.

I’m still pretty pants at it though! I start with the best intentions but very quickly I find myself getting lost and utterly confused. After about an hour of filtering thorugh keywords from KDP Rocket and listed I’ve about had enough. There’s only so much time in the day and there are so many other things that I could/should be doing.

I’ve put together a handful of ads so far and have to say I’m not impressed at all with the way they are going. Clicks are there but sales aren’t and aside from standing on a building stark naked with the name of my book written all over me I feel I’m hitting a brick wall.

Who wants to read a book from a crazy Englishman?

Ok so now I’m ranting. I’m well into the realms of “shall I even bother with any of this anymore?” Then I open Word and start writing my next story again and all is well.

 

All is well…………………UNTIL……………………it’s time to market again. Then we are back here again.

So, I am saving my excel spreadsheets that are in all manner of beautiful colours. The one thing I sit and think when I do my keywords is where I sit in the world of books. What genre am I, what world do I want to occupy? I’ve always listed myself as Action & Adventure with Mystery to boot. Is that right? Am I hitting the right audiences?

Oh we’re off again aren’t we!?!

Right! Behave Mr!

I’m going to persevere with all of this, I have to. I’m into double figures (woohoo break out the sparkling wine and get that Ford Mustang on order from my profits…..oh wait maybe not). I just need to find a way to be seen, to stand out and get that little world of mine to be taken in by people.

If I’m totally honest the writing part is fun and enjoyable. The advertising is anything but for me. It doesn’t help that my profession is anything but about being seen and known. I spend my life very much in the company of a select handful of people or else in the face of people that really don’t want to have a conversation with me never mind listen to what I have to say.

I know these are barriers I need to overcome but it’s so draining.

Let’s see if any of these things work.

I can but hope!

Work-ness, Illness, Pokemon-ness, Author-ness!

It’s that time of year again where the best-laid plans and all seem to just disintegrate in lieu of the impending holiday festivities. I’m sat trying to juggle some work revision for next year alongside advertising BLUE LIGHT CHRISTMAS and realising this year that more people want to buy it from the internet than direct from me! That’ll teach me to stock up! The first runs needed some tweaking but I am so happy with the way it turned out. Profits, while hardly bank-breaking, will be well into triple figures for COPs charity so it can’t all be bad!

Then, at the same time, I have been working furiously to try and market INTO THE DARK which comes out on New Year’s Day. I’ve been trying quite a few different things including (quite belatedly) creating a mailing list for readers from BookFunnel. I’m not sure if I’m getting the full hang of all of this but I’m trying.

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INTO THE DARK has been sent out to some advanced readers and I’ve been blown away by the feedback and support. So much so I have decided to punt BLACKOUT, my novel for 2018, a little earlier and try to get myself submitted to the Kindle Scout program.

I know my following isn’t in the realms of a legion yet but I’m hoping the little guy can shine with this one so I’ll be asking everyone to cast a vote onKindle Scout when it’s live for voting as of 22/12.

At the same time I have been amusing my children getting out and about playing Pokemon Go, resetting my Circuit Training and who knows what else. Just when I think it’s going to be fun on my two weeks of leave from work leading up to Christmas…..each child goes and gets ill on different days. SO all those plans of productivity, creativity and fitness have become a little less achievable (unashamedly fitness tends to disappear last as it’s most important I keep myself sweating and healthy).

I’ve been testing myself with some new projects in support of other people’s creativity and I am waiting to see if that goes anywhere. I’m also having conversations with someone to narrate the audiobook version of INTO THE DARK so while I have been quiet in sharing things I’ve not been doing nothing….I promise.

Here’s what I have done while not blogging:

  • Finished and edited BLACKOUT
  • Marketed and appeared for BLUE LIGHT CHRISTMAS 2
  • Negotiated external support for BLC2
  • Edited my main website
  • Created INTO THE DARK WEBSITE
  • Built a mailing list
  • Researched and practised at Amazon Marketing and Facebook Advertising
  • Tweaked INTO THE DARK
  • Advertised INTO THE DARK
  • Revised for work commitments
  • Amused the children (although yet to see the new Star Wars)
  • Restarted my Circuit Training instead of weightlifting
  • Decorated my cellar (planned to be my “imagination cave” area)
  • Negotiated audiobook plans for INTO THE DARK
  • Signed up to BookFunnel and sharing groups
  • Interacted on Facebook Groups
  • Written newsletters and emails to mailing lists
  • Written a short story
  • And more…

It’s been mad and I’m sure it won’t stop there. Now BLACKOUT is done I’m not sure waht to do……………….prt of me says to finish the sequel to FOOTPRINTS ON THE OTHER SIDE (whcih is about half done but untouched for 16+ months).

IF ANYONE DOES WANT TO OFFER SUPPORT AND HELP NOMINATE MY BOOK BLACKOUT THEN CLICK THE BIG BLUE VOTE NOW BUTTON BELOW AND DO THE NECESSARIES. YOU NEVER KNOW…….I COULD WIN (HMMMMMMMM).

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Influence and inspiration

I have had a short break from writing lately. There are many reasons, not least of all I have felt a little disconnected from my stories due to a family loss and not wanting to write something inappropriate to the situation. I was considering this National Novel Writing Month but felt too rebellious towards the idea of “having” to write. Even when I make myself write to a time limit or word amount I find my head and imagination naturally rebels and switches off so for me it can be counterproductive.

That said I have still been mulling over many ideas and while I have not, up until last night, written anything in my main project I have toyed with some little ideas.

One thing I have done is done an “inspiration” piece. By this I mean I took a photograph of something while out and about and let my imagination run free. WHat came up was a short story based on a picture of a set of steps…yes a set of steps.

 

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A former WW2 Anti-Aircraft site near to where I live…my inspiration

 

It has encouraged me to start compiling a series of these ideas and stories in some sort of madness collection in the future. It’s nothing serious, just an outlet to allow me to release some of the clutter that can often build up in my overactive imagination.

The story doesn’t even have a title, it’s a story set in World War II about a boy who has to become a man in one night has to become a man. Its overtones are coming of age and loss but told in a simple story that I really liked writing. It’s another project I would like to transcribe into a screenplay simply to offer as a short film but there is me running before I can walk again.

In the last few weeks I have had a short story published in a horror anthology DOWN WITH THE FALLEN which was a story born from a whim and seems to have been well received by the publishers compiling the anthology. This has not only allowed me to become “supported” in the sense I have been “published” but also gives me a little appearance over the pond in America and that can only be a good thing.

Last night I picked up where I had left BLACKOUT and reconnected with the story well. I was worried it would fall by the wayside as WHISPERING SHADOWS (the Jack James sequel) has done. That has been gathering virtual dust for almost sixteen months. The funny thing is, lately, I have been thinking about the story and realising there is still legs in it BUT for the moment I need to concentrate on Blackout and not bog myself down.

At the start of November, I launched BLUE LIGHT CHRISTMAS 2 this years charity endeavour raising funds for Care Of Police Survivors. I loved writing this story as my novel endeavours have been quite emotional in their storytelling. It was nice to have some simple fun with an audience a little less in need of tragedy or twists. Once again I suffer at the hands of my own (lack of) skills in marketing. I have managed to get a little more exposure this year and I am hoping that this will be a skill I slowly get my head around…only time will tell I suppose.

I have suffered the “why do I bother” feelings lately because I’m not making the big bucks or sitting at the top of the bestseller lists but I’ve realised this….I am going to keep doing it because for me it is more about releasing my imagination than making money (that would be nice). If I don’t tell my stories then they will never be told. If I can sit and have a conversation with a single person who has read my story and wants to know more then I’ve done my job.

Next year there are set to be two additions to my library hopefully. The first being INTO THE DARK which is a New Adult addition to the world of my Magdon monster. It is set to be a family-centric adventure bringing with it a sense of mystery and adventure. I have loved writing this story as I wanted to create something to appease the adults who invested their time (and money) into the ORIGINS OF THE MAGDON series. That shows me listening to my audience as a lot of older readers were “wanting more” from the legend and history so I have given people just that. Something bigger but not at the cost of the sense of intrigue and adventure I wanted to capture from the stories in the first place.

And that brings me back to influence and inspiration. INTO THE DARK is personal this time because I have set parts of it in places that mean something to me. Wollaton Hall features as does a trip to Mount Snowdon, places that have been part of my life for a long time so the story is born from things I have seen, places I have been and things I have done.

Today I have spent a lot of time researching parts of the Ukraine for BLACKOUT. Tomorrow who knows where my imagination will take me.

In fact….tonight I shall mostly be writing a screenplay for the short story I have no name for……must now think of a name!

Working behind the scenes.

Firstly an apology for not being too active on the social and blog front but there are good reasons. Mostly it has been about getting this year’s Christmas Charity book ready Blue Light Christmas 2: A Cry For Elf. I’ve had a lot on getting the illustrations, my awesome illustrator has created, formatted so they can be in the paperback. At the same time I wanted to get them showcased so will be featuring them on my author website in their best resolutions full colour (as they have to be black and white in the book so more money can be raised for Care Of Police Survivors). I’ve gone through so many format changes I’m now into the “what if everyone hates it” phase of worry but am pushing through.

Along with this I have been experimenting with Amazon ads (mixed feelings so far) and trying to use Facebook ads (not a massive fan). I’ve put one together for Blue Light Christmas which is my primary focus between now and December – not only for marketing but also making sure I get as much exposure as possible for the book to raise as much as I can.

Scary as it is it also looks like I’m going to do some face-to-face with this book again. I think it is possibly the fact I have t split my personality between real name (work) and my writing name that makes me uncomfortable. Work has stressed how much I need to not use my work-life to influence interest and keep myself separate from my writing identity that I always feel on edge with it. I do feel I look uncomfortable at first but hopefully, I settle in and when I get going I could talk about my made-up worlds for hours on end.

That is the problem with all of this for me – the fact by going it alone you always feel that you’re not quite good enough so then sets in the doubt.

Right! Enough of that. It’s been such a productive year of writing and in fairness nobody has sent me hate-mail or told me not to bother so I’ll take that as a good sign.

Future projects-wise……….I’m just over 47,000 words through Blackout which is my second planned novel of 2018. It’s a character-driven sci-fi thriller with quite a different take on an age-old concept of time travel but rest assured it’s not about the science of it. I need to finish it to see how I will best write it up but at the moment I’m enjoying throwing some curveballs into the mix so you will get an interesting ride where the sci-fi element is secondary to the intrigue and character’s journeys.

There’s also Into The Dark which is at the formatting stage as, although I have submitted it for publishing considerations, having heard nothing (yet) I’m planning it as a self-published project again. This will bring my Magdon monster to a more mature audience. It is very much an action adventure but I want it to feel like a film, feeding you with a family-driven story that is all-enveloping on a humanistic level.

Which brings me back to the self-doubt. I see so many other Indie Authors making the right moves towards exposure. I suppose I suffer from the idea that without an Agent saying “oh that’s good let me punt it for you” I fall into the cycle of disbelief in my own work. I am SLOWLY realising that I don’t need someone to rubber stamp my work but sometimes it’s nice to have that backing. So much in life, I go alone and roll with my own belief but sometimes.

On that note, I can take some confidence in the fact one of my short stories has made it into horror anthology Down With The Fallen: A Post-Apocalyptic Horror Anthology. The fact my story made it into a print form controlled by someone “in the business” must mean I’m not as bad as I fear (but most definitely don’t feel). I suppose what I want is someone to see some potential in what I write and put faith enough in me to help me.

My biggest flaw and I have said it since I began, is a lack of understanding about marketing. I really wish I had the funds to employ someone or some company to help me break through my own barriers. I love making my videos/trailers, my posts and my covers but I’m hardly the socialite monster and the same people must get sick and tired of seeing me sharing posts from my author profile.

Sorry this has become one of those blurgh posts where I spew out anything that pops into the old noggin.

In short I’m saying:

BUY BLUE LIGHT CHRISTMAS 2 WHEN IT COMES OUT SO I CAN MAKE MONEY FOR CARE OF POLICE SURVIVORS CHARITY.

Someone tell someone somewhere that I exist and if you like what I’ve written in my books then drop a review somewhere so I can at least see, in moments of self-doubt, that there are a handful of people who think “you know what, you’re not totally crap!”

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